The Call

It isn't easy to adopt from China.  I remember a thread in one of the many adoption forums that said "adoption isn't for the faint of heart".  I believe that God will strengthen the heart of anyone that he calls to adoption, but that statement reflects the difficulties that one will face on the adoption journey.  My husband and I have already faced some emotionally trying times on our adoption journey and we are only halfway through.

After Madison was born we knew our family was complete.  This was a rational decision on our part but surely God wouldn't have us add to our already large combined family... right?  I knew this meant that I would not be having anymore biological children and it also meant that I would not be adopting.  I was at peace with this at first.  We had 5 children and I could give my time and heart to the orphans in many other ways.

I'm not sure when God placed adoption on my heart again...  I'm sure it was never really gone but here it was creeping into my mind and my heart again more and more over a period of several months in the Spring of 2012.  I tried to rationalize it away by researching the new requirements to adopt from China.  That is when I discovered the Special Needs program and saw that we actually qualified for it.  

There's just no way...  Why would we ever try to toss that excuse to the creator of the universe?  It seems silly every time I think about it!

Just like the other times that God has (not so gently) nudged me down the path that HE has for me, everything was falling into place.  We had two children at home and were happy to spend every other weekend with my three step children.  This isn't their story and I will not go into the details, but we had finally found peace in their custody situation after trying many times to have them live with us.

By early June I finally got up the nerve to mention what I was feeling to Steven and I was SHOCKED by his response.  Calm...  Engaging...  Thoughtful...  This was all from the man that I KNEW had no desire to grow our family in any way.  We agreed to prayerfully consider adoption and we began looking for an agency.

In late June we scheduled an interview with Lifeline Children's Services and started discussing the possibility that this was going to happen.  We decided to take everything one step at a time and keep our minds and hearts open to the possibility that this wasn't the path.  We sat down and talked with two ladies about their China program and what the requirements were.  It was a wonderful experience and really put our hearts at ease about beginning the process.  We felt that we would be accepted into their program and that they would take very good care of us.  We took home an application and sent it back about a month later after MUCH more prayer and discussion.

We were accepted!  It was time to start the seemingly never ending paperwork.

HALT.

In early August our process was put on hold just after our first home study interview.  Steven's kids were placed in our home and we, as well as our social worker, felt it was best to hold on the adoption until we had settled into our new routine.

Wait.  Didn't we start the adoption journey after the peace we had been given about Steven's kids?  Would we have started it if we had 5 children in the house?  The Lord works in amazing ways folks.