Oh... There you are!

By early December we agreed that things were going very well and that we wanted to pick up with the adoption after the first of the year.  I had kept our social worker up to date on how things were going with the big new changes around our house.  On January 3rd I emailed our social worker and she agreed with our decision to continue.  We made it through the next few home study visits very quickly and I became active in our Lifeline China Facebook group and my adoption forums again.

I can't remember the date but I'll never forget the moment. A daily update of postings from one of the Yahoo groups came through my email.  Sometimes I took the time to read them, sometimes they went straight to the trash.  Someone was advocating for several children that she had met on a recent trip to China.  I clicked the link.  I had to login...  which meant I had to go back and look for the information.  Thank God I did.

There were a lot of children listed on this blog, each with a picture and short description that included information from the lady that met them and a bit of information from the caretaker that was with the child.  I scrolled through and glanced over them...  then my heart stopped.  It was as if I knew her...  her face and her smile.  I remember thinking "there you are!" but being shocked, surprised, and confused all at the same time.  We were looking for a 3-4yo girl.  This "Phoebe" was a nearly 9yo girl staring back at me.  I can't explain how I knew but I just KNEW.  She was so familiar to me.  I loved her instantly and I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me...

I showed her picture to Steven.  

"She looks mean"...  WHAT?!  This is the SWEETEST face I have ever seen!!!  Pay no attention...  he says I'm mean all of the time and I'm a sweetheart to him!

I showed her picture to the kids.

"How old is she?!"... sigh.

I showed her picture to my parents.

"No no no...  she is too old.  You want a little one like Maddie"...  double sigh.

How could it be that I knew this was my daughter but nobody else did?  Was I wrong?

I asked Steven if I could track down her file.  He said that was fine but that she looked mean.

I not only got her file but also several pictures of her and a video along with a very enthusiastic report of how amazing she is.  But I already knew that!

There was nothing scary in her file in my opinion.  I loved reading her developmental description.  She seemed right on target her whole life.  My favorite part was when it said that at a year old she was naughty and would pull the blanket off of the kid in the crib next to her and laugh about it.  Steven used this as support for his point.  She looks mean.  I simply asked that he, again, prayerfully consider this child but that we would keep looking.

It was about this same time that someone posted in our Facebook group that they needed two more volunteers for an upcoming medical trip to China.

Oh really?  Sign me up!!!

A few weeks passed and our social worker called and said she had a file that she wanted us to look at.  The LL staff had been praying for a family for this little girl and she thought about us.  We reviewed her file and pictures and video and she was such a little princess and just older than Maddie.  Again, I can't explain it but as perfect as this little girl seemed for us, it did NOT feel right.  We had to turn her down and let me tell you that is a HARD thing to do. I had to trust that I was being led by God to my daughter and that he would also lead the right family to this little girl.  I'm happy to report that this little girl now has a wonderful family!

Steven and I were at dinner one night and just talking about things that don't really stand out to me now.  Out of nowhere he says "I think we should submit LOI for your girl"...

Say what?!  Are you serious?!

He said that he felt it was the right thing to do and that he didn't really think she looked mean, she just looked like me.  Haha.

LOI or "letter of intent" to adopt is a packet of paperwork that China uses to give you the go ahead to pursue the adoption of a particular child.  You submit documents that prove you are qualified to adopt from country in general, and you also prepare a care plan that is tailored to your specific child.  

First things first...  We had to find this girl's file.  No worries with Lifeline...  they know what they're doing.  We were coming up fast on her 9th birthday and I was so confident that she was ours, I went ahead and planned her little birthday party and ordered my favorite cupcakes.  (I'm sure they're her favorite too...)

Fast forward to her birthday...  We haven't heard anything yet but I'm not giving up.  Cupcakes have been picked up and we're GOING to celebrate.  Good thing I got the call from my social worker saying that Lifeline had found her file and it was transferred and locked for us.   WHOOOO!!!!  Happy Birthday Zixia!  You've got a family.

Not so fast...  You've got to submit that LOI lady.

Now we're pushing my trip to China.  Of course I'm checking my email every five (three?  two?  one?) minutes to see if we have approval from China.  If I don't get this before I go to China then I have to travel for 30 hours with no guarantee of checking my email obsessively...  I don't know for sure that I'll have access to my email or even be able to talk to Steven easily while I'm gone.  No worries, of course we get our approval the day before I leave!

PA!!!!!!  This means she IS OUR DAUGHTER!

This also means the start of even more never ending paperwork but it sure does feel good.